You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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