The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.