I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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