i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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