I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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