thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
