u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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