Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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