K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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