How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
