After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
