I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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