now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
