Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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