I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
