At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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