What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I would fuck him just for his dog
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