the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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