I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
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She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
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I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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