Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just cut my nipple shaving
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
