It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I think my vagina is haunted
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
