2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just wanna soil my oats bro
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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