i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
