Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
