Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
