The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
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Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
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She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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