My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
