The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
