and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
