Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Even my vagina gasped.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Randomize
