it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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