my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
