btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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