How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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