Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are my feet made of real feet?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize