That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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