Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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