So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
