i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize