dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
