I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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