i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are out for the taking
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My feet surprised me
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