I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
