My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
