I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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