Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
