Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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