never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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