Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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