You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
