Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
