Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
