I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
