but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
