well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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