She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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