cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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