i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
