I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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