Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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