I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
