I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
