I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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