no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
