it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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