I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Randomize
