My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
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his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
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I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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