The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
