I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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