I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
