i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
