1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
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I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
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I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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