i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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